what's in a frame

Sweaty

2012-02-14T12:30:00.002-06:00

If I've ever taken photos of you or you've ever watched me take photos, you know that it's really the only time I sweat profusely. I'm just not a sweaty person. I've always been an athlete, but not a sweater. I can even remember the sweatiest I've ever been: in the 11th grade at the beginning of our school volleyball season in August. In Memphis. In the Millington gym with NO AC. I was sweating so much that the ball would literally slip out of my hands and bounce sweat off my forearms. GROSS. Not until I became an avid photo-maker did I start sweating like this again. It's just that I get so excited. I'm excited to be hanging out with people, I'm excited to have my camera in my hands, I'm excited to see what I can make people do and where they'll let me take them. I turn bright red and start sweating. And then afterwards, I'm exhausted. But it's the best job EVER.

I am one lucky girl. I experience love on a daily basis. Knowing that I'm Beloved; there is nothing more special than that kind of love. I get to see my nephews on Friday, and I become more and more in love every time I see them or hear them on the phone. I'm in love with life, with their lives, with creation, with miracles. And beyond that, there are people who ask me to be a witness to their love. To preserve and represent their triumphs and heartaches, to show how often it's love that wins. From the first love of engagements, to the exciting love of weddings, and then to the best love: families. It is overwhelming to have a part in making that love last. Because as easy as it is to tell people to pose in a certain way, it's the challenge of drawing out those natural moments that I find joy in. God has called me to be present and rejoice with others, and it's those moments that get remembered and are sometimes even too important to make a part of my portfolio. But there is nothing like the excitement of first photos after he/she's put a ring on it, spying on a couple seeing each other for the first time on their wedding day, or practically peeing in my pants when a sweet baby laughs real hard.

So speaking of love, today is Valentine's Day! I'm neither pro nor anti Valentine's Day, since I think love should be celebrated every day (and I love a good holiday), but I am wearing my V-day socks. I have socks for every holiday.

Here are some of my favorite images of love in the past year or so:

Dear Love,

Please keep winning people over and showing Yourself even in the face of Voldemort.

Yours truly,

Ellen

Jaspers!

2012-02-05T12:24:00.006-06:00

So for Christmas, Jake and Kitty got Jake's parents a family photoshoot with yours truly. We had SO much fun...I love this family. I've known them for a VERY long time, and it was so great to get to be with them and capture how hilarious, fun, and loving they are. Also, they are all REALLY pretty, which always helps.

It was a pretty gray day, so we started out at Earnestine & Hazel's, my go-to for potentially rainy days. It's one of the only places in Memphis where they literally do NOT care how someone uses their space. I mean, the place used to be a brothel, so what happens upstairs stays upstairs. Unless you're photographing someone, then it ends up on your blog.

Dudes!

My BFFs Kitty and Jake. I love these two verrrrry much.

So sweet. One of my favorite pictures. Ever.

Beautiful family! I am really pleased with these, so I hope this was a good Christmas present!

Wood

2012-02-02T23:48:00.005-06:00

Hello, everyone! I wanted to share something I'm VERY excited to sort of be a part of. This little company called SOUL Solutions. It was started by my very dear friends Matthew and Trip, and HOLY COW do they do some amazing work. Here's what they do: they seek to provide some help within the crazy urban landscape of the world by bringing us back to what matters most--community--by building pieces that generate and promote beauty, eco-cognizance, and simplicity. I mean, literally BUILDING stuff. My carpenter friend Matthew can build pretty much anything you could ever want. From clotheslines to chicken coops to benches to birdhouses to cornhole boards to patio furniture to tree stump tables--this guy can do it all. I would venture to say that he's an artist first and throughout his life has discovered this natural ability to turn a tree into a beautiful piece of work. Good thing he also happens to be my across the street neighbor AND an EpiscoPAL. Since he needs pretty pictures of the pretty things he builds, he has enlisted my help to make those pictures. In return, I get to make up whatever I want him to build and then he does it (OK, maybe this is only what happens in my head). Here are some of the most recent pieces:

If you've driven by the corner of Perkins and Walnut Grove lately, you will have noticed a large Episcopal church there. This birdhouse just so happens to be a replica of that church. Pretty incredible. You too could have an birdhouse replica of ANYTHING you want. Seriously.

This is the bench made out of birch, cedar, and willow. You can also have a customized bench that seats 3 or more (I feel like this is negotiable depending on how many of your friends want to sit next to you).
Here are my personal favorites: the tree stump tables. These come in many different shapes and sizes, can go inside or outside, and are BEAUTIFUL. I will be getting one million of them.

Doesn't it just please your eyes to look at things that are beautiful, made with love, and serve a larger purpose? I'm a huge fan. SOUL Solutions is on the Twitter, the Facebook, and should be inside or around your house. If you like what you see, they are very easy to get in touch with in all portals of communication or you can email them: simple.living.solutions@gmail.com!

The Love of my Life

2012-01-26T22:51:00.003-06:00

As I'm typing this, there is a big nose breathing on my hand and a GIANT piece of plastic blocking my vision of the screen as Lily scoots more on top of me, testing me to see if I still love her since I have completely traumatized her today. It's true people, she wears the Cone of Shame and no longer has a uterus.

Since she most likely feels that I've ruined her life, I decided to dedicate this post to her.

Lily is the love of my life. The alliterative quality of that statement makes it all the more precious to me. I have been wanting to have a doggie for many reasons, but mostly to regulate my life which would hopefully lead to less frequent migraines. It worked when we got Luna, and we all know I've been needing to try it again. Lily came into my world a little more than a month ago, when my friend Heather said that her friend Suzy had rescued a doggie and that I probably needed to meet her. Suzy has the dog-rescuing disease (not the worst one to have), and she drove to the Jackson, TN pound to save Lily from being euthanized. I went out to Suzy's house to meet her and immediately fell in love. I couldn't take her right away because baby Sam's arrival was impending and I knew I would have to go to Jackson a bunch and couldn't bring a strange doggie to meet a brand new baby, nor did I want Lily's first introduction into her new life to be an abnormal routine. So I went out to play with her on my way to and/or from work, and then finally got to bring her home on New Year's Day.

She was a little nervous at first, wondering why her BFF Mojo didn't come with us, why there were no horses to inspect or cats to chase up trees, and I have to admit, I was a little worried she might not like being the only animal. Almost a month later, I will have to say that I was just being ridiculous, because she is the happiest girl. I think she's just glad that she gets a human all to herself. It's true, she's my little dictator. Once she learned our schedule, she was quite pleased.

It is a gross understatement to say that I am thankful. I cannot imagine what she would have looked like at the pound or who would have possibly given her up/lost her. I love her so very much. Besides being the greatest dog ever, she is smart and silly and has quite the personality.

Also, I was getting migraines about once a week during November and December. I haven't gotten ONE since Lily's Gotcha Day. Maybe it's all in my head (of course that pun is intended), but I know it's because of her. She calms me down, gives me purpose, and she makes me happy. I think we're pretty happy together, and I love her more and more every day.

Poor girl, she's currently stumbling around and trying to express to me through eye language that it's time to go to bed, but it's not working because her eyes are still a little glazed from the anesthesia. So she looks a little silly. So I say to her, "Sillllyyyy Lillllyyyy."

Shelby & Brian

2011-12-22T09:14:00.000-06:00

This is Shelby and Brian! Shelby and I went to St. Mary's together, which tells you a lot of things but mainly: we've been friends our whole lives and we're really weird. Shelby recently became engaged to Brian, and so I took some pictures of them! They are silly together and we had SO much fun, despite some fugly weather.

Love y'all, and congrats!!

The Duggers.

2011-12-21T20:54:00.004-06:00

So. The people in these pictures. There are so many words I could say about them, but I think I'll let the photos do the talking (with a tad bit of narration). However, I do love a good story. Here's the short version: I met these people almost 11 years ago and I have wished they would adopt me ever since. I love them all very much.

Here is everyone, including grandparents!

Immediate fam plus Elise:

Two of the best, most hilarious, and generous people I am blessed to know:
Of course we had some girl time.

Real life:

I don't have brothers. If I did, I'd definitely want them to look like this.

Their album cover.

Again, real life.
Careful, these next few might make you want to barf they're so beautiful.

A little story time: Elise is one of my very best friends. Nate also happens to be one of my very best friends. Since they are both so awesome at life and everything (and also since Nate totally thought Elise was super fine), I thought it sure would be cool if they were in love. Coincidentally, they did too! Almost exactly 4 years later, they are still as wonderful together as they are separately.

Aaaaand here we are in real life again.

I love the Dugger family. While they may not be 20+ family members and have their own TV show, they are definitely the best Duggers (and probably SHOULD have their own TV show because it would be hilarious).

My Cup Runneth Over

2011-12-19T23:38:00.003-06:00

Baby Sam is here! He got here at 2:04 am on Saturday, December 17th. He weighed 7 lbs and 3 oz and was 20 inches long. He is small and perfect and has crazy hair and his mom's long skinny feet and hands and nose. I mean, I love my Benny. I never could have imagined loving more than one human SO much at the same time. These guys are the two most important people in life, and they are sweet and smart and funny and naked a whole lot. Claire is worried that Sam won't have as many pictures as Ben, but she is just being silly. Stay tuned for pictures of baby in his Christmas stocking and the mailbox. Here he is fresh out into the world!

Oooo Sammy I love you so much.

I also really love this guy. Merry Christmas from your friends Ben and Ellen! Sammy, we are so happy you are here!

Oh, the weather outside is weather

2011-12-14T22:15:00.006-06:00

This is my favorite time of year! Fall turning into winter. Not such a fan of actual winter (except for my birthday, duh), but it sure is beautiful when it snows. Also, and update: no baby Sam yet. Hopefully soon! Trying to get everything done before he gets here!

This is always one of my favorite trees--in the parking lot at Calvary. It is magnificent, even when its leaves are on the ground (or on/in my car when I park under it).

These look like Spin Art! I wish I could spin these right onto a T-shirt.

And then, two weeks later, it snowed. The first day I was in my new house! What a lovely surprise.

OK, more to come soon and they'll have people in them!

My New Boyfriend

2011-12-07T11:19:00.003-06:00

Did it get your attention? Great. Sorry for lying, I just wanted people to read this. I don't have a new boyfriend, nor any that seem to be looming in my future. But here is what is happening (sorry for zero pictures. There will be pleeennntttyyy to come when I get the Internet at my house.)

1. I MOVED TO A NEW HOUSE AND IT'S AWESOME.

2. BY THIS TIME NEXT WEEK, I'LL HAVE TWO NEPHEWS. That's right, TWO. Sam is coming next week!! I'm soooooo excited!!!!!

That's really all. Next time I'll have pictures of the Duggers, Shelby & Brian, Gwinn, the Sappingtons, and probably Ben and Sam, too. Oh, and the snow from today. I don't get it either.

Sweet Baby Knox

2011-10-23T09:36:00.000-05:00

This little guy is also a very special little person. My BFF Melissa and her husband Hunter just made him. They got married one year ago and I took some pictures. She is a very dear sweet friend, and little Knoxie is beautiful and precious and new and wonderful. Here he is! PS. This baby was not harmed in the process of this photoshoot. We put him in a boot. And a hat. Melissy gets allllll the credit for those ideas. They actually turned out pretty cute. Especially the hat. Gollllyyyy this guy is so sweet.

SAM

2011-10-22T13:11:00.001-05:00

Well, I feel as though I've been neglecting the new little guy who's about to come into our family. It's real, people; my sister is preggy AGAIN. Little Sam is going to be 17 months behind little Ben, and we are going to have SO MUCH FUN. We've already seen his alien baby ultrasound and he looks just like little Bennybaby, and while right now I think there's no one better or cuter or sweeter than Ben, I can't imagine anyone being any better than the both of them. He does flips in Claire's belly all the time, and he already has quite the personality. I CAN'T WAIT FOR HIM TO GET HERE. She's due December 31st, so that should be interesting. And unlike the typical second child, there will be no shortage of photos of him. I would never want him to feel left out. I'm so excited to see his little face and sniff his little neck. I just can't believe we're about to have double the sweetness and cuteness.

On a serious note, my cup runneth over.

While the Existential part of me loves to make meaning in my own life, I realize that my meaning is found in loving other humans. Most of them these days are very small, but have given me the biggest meaning so far. With the arrival of Ben, then Melissy's baby Knox (pictures to come VERY soon. I put that baby in a boot.), the impending arrival of my goddaughter Gwinn, and then Sammycakes, life has never been so good. All of these small creatures are so important, and I feel that I'm exactly where I need to be. I think I probably have many facets to my personality, but my favorite is Aunt Ellen, of whom there is plenty to go around. Aunt Ellen is who I am all the time now, and she is fun and full of energy and a full-time photographer and silly and funny (these little people think I'm funny. They're probably the only ones. But at least some people do, and that's more than enough for me). They sure do make me laugh, and help me be patient, and when I feed them, they feed me. We have a lot of fun, and there's more on the way.

In the meantime, here are some pictures of the only man I need in my life until Sam comes along (this is getting weird for me to say because I have a very special friend named Sam, and it's going to take a little while for me to stop thinking of everything I say about my little Sammy as a double entendre), and then I'll have so much of everything that I won't even know what to do.

The day all my dreams came true.

2011-10-21T11:52:00.000-05:00

Last year, as you might remember, I saw these guys TWO DAYS in a row in San Francisco and it was wonderful. And I blogged about it. This year, I was closer, got to take Fitty, and MET THEM AND THEY LOVED ME. It was a dream come true. I'm no longer ashamed to say that I've loved these guys for the past 15 years. Their first CD was my first CD EVER, and although I've pretended otherwise, I have followed and loved them. They sing better and look a LOT better and have also reproduced a LOT of other little Hansons.

It's not you, it's me.

2011-10-20T20:46:00.006-05:00

Technically, it's I. But no one around here is a grammar snob.

Hello, blog. You must feel that I have abandoned you. I haven't. But you know those times when you just have the blogger's block? Well, this isn't one of those times. I really just haven't had the time. I have thought about you daily, wishing for your company/a quiet moment to sit down and freshen you up with all my newest adventures and photographs. Instead of a long, drawn-out apology, I will just show you all the love I feel for you with some catching up and OODLES of photographs.

We must go chronologically. First in the queue: SISTER HAZEL. We got to meet these awesome guys, and it was so fun. They are funny and silly and they loved us. They posed for my camera and made some great faces. They also make some really good music. If you've never heard of them, remove yourself from the rock under which you live and love them as much as I do.

Ken Block, if you're reading this, thanks for being so nice.

Zooming In

2011-08-06T21:38:00.004-05:00

So this is a fun little thing: when I was flying from Tampa to Asheville a few weeks ago, I flew right over the Kanuga. It was very exciting--everyone else on the tiny plane thought I was a crazyhead when I started clicking away--who doesn't love a good aerial shot of their house? Thank you, GoogleEarth, but it's much more fun when you do it yourself.

When I landed, I saw this:

Zoom in a little more and you can see some rocking chairs:

Littttle more zoomzooming and we have the essence of Kanuga (this photo also appears in the Preservation section of Kanuga's 17-year plan for the future):

Here are some more fun things I like. I can't remember if I've posted about the Organic Garden, but it is one of those places at Kanuga that makes me proud to live and work here. It is a HUGE and beautiful completely organic garden that is fertilized entirely with compost and water from our streams. There is an abundance of fruits, vegetables, flowers, and talented farmers to be seen around the Organic Garden.

Thanks to Will for being my hand model. Kanuga has this really wonderful lens it pays me to use, and this is one of my favorite images. Ever.

I'm not entirely sure how this double exposure happened with my digital camera, but it sure was a happy accident. And I think it shows perfectly how much fun is had by all at Camp Kanuga.

2011-07-25T14:03:00.002-05:00

So this is the fun thing I did a week a half ago: my Aunt Lu arranged for our WHOLE FAMILY to come and surprise Nana and Grandaddy in Florida in celebration of their 90th birthdays this year. They had never met Ben, so it was a GREAT BIG happy surprise. I took a bazillion pictures, but they will have to wait until I finish Brie and Justine's pictures/have a break from work for a hot minute. Here are a few that we took, though:

All the kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids without spouses:

The whole bunch:
Nana and Gdaddy with their kids:

All the grandkids and great-grandkids with spouses:

It was such a fun trip and I can't wait to go through all of the photos and show you the best ones!!

Happy 5th of July!

2011-07-05T12:40:00.003-05:00

We had a fun 4th of July celebration here at the ol' K-nug. It was really fun!

I've been on the go from Brie and Justine's wedding (pictures to come soon) and hanging out with Dad in Alabama. I'm back for now, but going to leave again soon for this really fun thing that I'll tell you about later!

Go 'Merica!

Also, Benny turns ONE in ONE WEEK. Are you kidding me? I haven't seen him since Easter, and no, I don't want to talk about it, thankyouverymuch. Oooo baby I can't wait kiss your face so so so so so so soon!!!

The Oxford Comma.

2011-06-30T13:28:00.002-05:00

OK--this is seriously the best thing I've read in awhile. (Unless you count the article I read yesterday entitled "6 Groups of People That Can Get Married When Gay Couples Can't". On the list? Cousins. Convicts. Anyone in Vegas. Multiple Marriers. Reality TV Show Contestants. People Who Have Themed Weddings. Read it HERE. It's hilarious and SO good.) Anyway, it's about punctuation. I've expressed my love for it many times on this blog, and I hope you can also tell how much I love it by the way I use it in writing. Actions speak louder than words, right? I'm pretty sure that Linda Holmes, who wrote this article for NPR lives inside my head. How else would she know EXACTLY what I think about? Oh man is she clever, funny, and smart. And if the University of Oxford decides to abolish its namesake comma, they will have me to deal with. (Please see the first paragraph of the following article to understand why I think it's OK to end a sentence with a prep). IT FILLS ME WITH RAGE to think that it might be gone forever. As a friend of mine once said as he was feeling particularly hopeless in a dire situation, "My life is in shambles!". Well, if the OC were to leave the world, my life would be in shambles. Also, I speak in hyperbole 84.38% of the time.

I posted the article below so you might actually read it. I know if I just posted the link, no one would care. Aaaand I'm pretty sure the only person who cares about this is yours truly. Oh, and Linda Holmes. And Lynne Trussell who wrote the book "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves," about which I have previously blogged.

Here's the link to Linda Holmes' blog, "Monkey See" on NPR.org.

I have a confession.

I am only too happy to emphatically defend split infinitives against the accusation that they are offensive in any language except Latin. I believe perfectly marvelous sentences can end with prepositions or begin with "and."

I make up words, I write in fragments, I am absolutely not a flawless user of any kind of punctuation, I make noises in the middle of my own writing (like "AAAAARGH!"), and I often like the rhythms of sentences more than their technicalities. Run-on sentences amuse me. I frequently give the impression that the American Parentheticals Council has me on retainer, or that I am encouraging a bidding war between Big Ellipses and Big Dashes to see which will become my official sponsor. ("Dashes: The Official 'And Another Thing' Punctuator Of Monkey See.") I write "email" without a hyphen, I am a big fan of the word "crazypants," and my plan is to master "who"/"whom" only on my deathbed, as my ironic dying gift to absolutely no one, since there will be no one left to hear me.

And yet, even the rumbling of a distant threat to the Oxford comma (or "serial comma") turns me instantly into an NFL referee, blowing my whistle and improvising some sort of signal — perhaps my hands clasped to my own head as if in pain — to indicate that the loss of the serial comma would sadden me beyond words.

This blew up yesterday when there was a rumbling that the University of Oxford was dumping its own comma. As it turned out, this wasn't the case. They haven't changed their authoritative style guide, but they've changed their internal PR department procedures that they use for press releases. The PR department and the editorial department are two different things, so this doesn't necessarily mean much of anything, except that it's maybe a little embarrassing to have your own PR department abandoning your style guide.

For those of you who enjoy the outdoors and would no more sort commas into classes than you would organize peanut butter jars in order of viscosity, the serial comma — or "Oxford comma" — is the final comma that comes in a sentence like this: "I met a realtor, a DJ, a surfer, and a pharmaceutical salesperson." (In this sentence, I am on The Bachelorette.) I don't typically use the serial comma here on the blog, because NPR uses AP style, which is standard for most news organizations. AP style leaves out the serial comma unless it's particularly necessary. It would dictate writing that sentence as: "I met a realtor, a DJ, a surfer and a pharmaceutical salesperson." That's what I do at work. At home, though? In correspondence, in notes to myself, in writing on cakes with icing? Serial commas. Forever.

Whether the serial comma is used is usually not a big deal — you see lists every day both with it and without it, and it won't hang you up either way. "Please buy bread, cheese, butter and milk." "Please buy bread, cheese, butter, and milk." Either is fine.

But when it matters, it really matters.

Suppose that instead of the list of men our bachelorette met above, things went differently. Without the serial comma, she might say: "The best available men are the two tall guys, George and Pete." There, you really don't know whether George and Pete are the tall guys, or whether there are two tall guys in addition to George and Pete. You literally don't know how many men you're talking about, and while that level of confusion as to elementary facts seems like something that might actuallyhappen on The Bachelorette, it is unfortunate in other settings. If, on the other hand, you use the serial comma, then you would write that sentence only if you meant that George and Pete were the tall guys, and if you didn't, you'd say, "I met two tall guys, George, and Pete."

Two men have just been created by that comma out of whole cloth. Boom! We've created life! Don't you feel like Dr. Frankenstein?

It's perhaps not surprising that a comma that can singlehandedly create human beings can also get people pretty wound up. Twitter went bazoo over the entire Oxford business yesterday, particularly before the clarification was made that it was just the PR department. People — people like me — love the serial comma. They rely on it. They feel like society's abandonment of it is a sign that all has gone haywire. They feel about it the way other people feel about newspapers, green spaces, or virtue.

The balancing act between how much rule-making you like in language and how much you like language to evolve naturally isn't necessarily the point of the serial comma debate (to me, the reasons to keep it have absolutely nothing to do with tradition and everything to do with actual utility), but that's where almost any discussion of almost any arcane point invariably winds up. Language is alive, you see, and it changes, and its beauty lies in its ability to be shaped by an entire society that calls upon its collective wisdom and experience to create a means of communication that accomplishes what it needs to AND NO THAT DOESN'T MAKE "IRREGARDLESS" OKAY AND STOP USING "LITERALLY" TO MEAN "FIGURATIVELY" I AM BEGGING YOU.

Uh-oh.

I firmly believe all of that good stuff about our living language, and yet I accidentally hit my own nerve. Love of language, it turns out, is a complicated minefield of things you care about and things you don't, and one person's explosive issues are obviously no more valid than anyone else's. Some people hate Capitalization For Cutesy Point-Making in exactly the same way I hate "irregardless," but I use it happily. Not as much as I once did, but I do. (Don't email me about "irregardless" or "literally," by the way. I glare at your spineless, weak-kneed dictionary with a judgmental, squinty eye. I do! I glare at it!)

For now, the Oxford comma lives on at Oxford. And it lives on in my heart. Life is nasty, brutish, and short (or, to introduce unnecessary ambiguity, "life is nasty, brutish and short"), and the least I can do for myself is to hold tight to the linguistic niceties about which I, for whatever reason, care. It's comforting. It's calming. And when it comes to taking a firm position about mostly unimportant debates, that's about all I can hope for.

I love Camp....

2011-06-10T14:58:00.001-05:00

...and I miss you!

Love,
ellen

Wassup

2011-06-08T16:19:00.004-05:00

Today I snuggled with Rosie!
She was actually very nice. It's probably because I spoke to her in Parseltongue.

2011-06-01T18:03:00.000-05:00

Obviously I'm enjoying myself. I'm always really sweaty, but the Camp Bob kids are nice to me anyway. They LOVE to have their picture taken; and love even more to take my camera from me and take pictures of each other. It's really great--these kids are awesome. My philosophy is that you never know what starts within a kid whether you hand them your camera or spend a week getting to know them or make them a friendship bracelet. Every little thing is important.

Pretty today

2011-05-30T10:45:00.003-05:00

It is lovely today! Obviously.

Best Job Ever

2011-05-24T20:05:00.006-05:00

Here are some things I get paid to do:

1. Take pictures (duh).

2. Go on hikes

3. Be at camp

4. Talk to nice people

5. Meet a whole bunch of REALLY AWESOME people.

6. Mmmmaybe tell a pirate joke ... or 46.

Here are some indoor and outdoor worship spaces that I looked at today:

Went on a hike with 12 8th graders and it was so fun. They were hilarious. I'm so glad that this job allows me to do the two things I am most called to: working with young people and showing the beauty of God's creation through images.

Eagle Rock. It's obvious why it's called that.
The view. NBD.

Hello I'm here

2011-05-23T11:21:00.004-05:00

I just took this picture of myself to show you that I'm here and alive. It's about 77 degrees with a mixture of sun and clouds and I'm in a rocking chair. I don't actually start work until after lunch, so I'm just chillin. I've been enjoying running on the trails and playing sand volleyball with the Camp Kanuga and Camp Bob staffs and getting to know them--they are very fun. I love camp.

Kountdown to Kanuga

2011-05-15T23:46:00.003-05:00

6 days. Timeout for an emo moment (sorrrry). Feeling a little bit nostalgic. I'm not much of a crier, but the dumbest things are making me think of this or that, or man I'ma miss this person that this cup of FroYo reminds me of. Also, I'm a tad more sensitive than I tell people. Tad= a lot, in real life.

If you're reading this, I'll miss you this summer. I have started this new life thing of saying what I mean, so I'm sorry if it makes me sound like a crazyperson. I wasn't this nervous about moving to California--and that wasn't even in driving distance. I've been thrilled and excited about this job, but now that it's getting closer, I can't help thinking about how Ben will be walking the next time I see him, and I'll have missed it. My sweetest friends will have babies growing in their bellies and I will miss seeing them get bigger. I'm thinking of all the pictures I'll be taking, but I'm also thinking of all the ones I COULD be taking of all the people who are most important. I realize they'll be here when I get back, but I don't want to miss these milestones.

Don't get me wrong, I feel so blessed to have this job and I'm so certain that I'm 100% answering God's call for me, which gives me great peace. I'll be in a beautiful place, with great humans, having lots of adventures=so much excitement. There are just a couple of people that I would not like to have to leave behind.

BUT it's only 3 months and I can't wait to see what God will do in that time.

And ohhhh babyyyyy pleeeaaase just stay the way you are so I don't miss anyyyythiiiingggg. Ooooo I love you more than anybody in the whole world.

Sheltons!

2011-05-10T21:17:00.003-05:00

These are some pretty people who are also VERY awesome. We had so much fun on this day! I love this family (but you already know that).

Boys

2011-05-01T15:32:00.003-05:00

Hi! A couple of weeks ago I got to spend some fun time with my friend Denae and her two boys, Bryce and Chase. They are the sweetest boys--I mean, TOTAL boys--they are just ridiculous all the time. We had so much fun...here are a couple of their images. They are so funny and SO BEAUTIFUL. Sweet little guys.

Family!

2011-04-26T17:23:00.004-05:00

Oh hey!

So, I've been a little busy scrambling around getting ready to go to Kanuga/trying to spend time with Ben/taking pictures/working hard for the money. I wanted to share an image that I did a couple of weeks ago--I have just finished editing all of them and will soon deliver the goods to the humans to which they belong. They have already seen this one image, and I can't wait to share more once they have seen them all!

BUT, first things first. Let me just tell you who these people are. In the past two and a half years, I have somehow weaseled my way into their family functions--usually by asking, "Can I come?"--and now it appears that they like me enough to keep me around. I'm really only half-kidding. Jessica and I went to camp together for forever, and then Heather and I worked at the Calv together SO much that she saw more of me than she did of her husband, Ed. I don't know why I'm explaining this on here, everyone who reads this knows who Heather is because we're the best of friends and I don't know what I would do without her, Ed, the entire Shelton family (pictured below, duh), their doggies, and their little boo who has a while before it makes an appearance to the world.

I don't know why I feel so compelled to share this next bit of info--I think it's because I was talking about Heather with a mutual friend the other day and it made me really realize how very special our friendship is. So, when Heather was being hired to work at Calvary, I totally resented the entire process. I was mad at people in charge, I was mad at her (even though she had done absolutely nothing--I hardly even knew her), I was just MAD (now it sounds completely ridiculous). I didn't like that this stranger was coming in to fill some shoes that I valued very much, and I wanted to QUIT (I didn't. Obviously). I confirmed in my head that things would be just business between me and the new girl and we would probably not be friends because I already had enough friends and I just knew we would never get along, no matter how awesome everyone said she was. So there. I wasn't even going give her a chance. HOW HORRIBLE. So, we started working together, and I found myself (against my own will) agreeing with everything she said about being in ministry with young people and their families, and I EVEN thought she was a little funny (OK, hiillaaaarriouusss). Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, we were a TEAM. I have no idea when or how it happened, but we were unable to be separated and people started calling us Helen.

I 100% believe in God's power to change hearts. Because really, it could have been nothing else. I think that's why our friendship is so special--we were brought together to go two by two into ministry, AND to make anyone who sits between us miserable. I feel absorbed into the Anderson/Shelton family, and while I enjoy inviting myself along, I really never have to ask. I love these people, and I hope I can one day give to them all that they have given me. They are some of the best humans on this planet. And they're pretty, too!

Number 22

2011-04-18T23:14:00.003-05:00

Cuhreeeepy.

I'm usually a total stickler about over-editing photos, but I had to turn this into a daguerreotypeish photo because it looked as creepy as I felt going in here. This is the Little Red Schoolhouse. One might assume it was used for learning in the 19thish century. No, it is a Masonic temple in the middle of nowhere. It was strangely open on a Sunday evening, and I got a tour of it. Just by coincidence. I felt like if I hadn't gotten out of there before the sun went down, I would be used as a sacrifice or initiated into somehow being a Mason, brainwashed for all eternity to live in this house alone. I mean, sign me up for Are You Afraid of the Dark? Gives me the willies just thinking about it.

Number 21

2011-04-18T23:12:00.003-05:00

OK, so obviously it's now Holy Week and I only have half a Lent's worth of pictures. I have more, they have just not made an appearance on the ol' blog yet. We'll see how that goes. It might turn into a post-Lent Eastertide discipline.

Number 20

2011-04-12T23:20:00.000-05:00

Boy+Doggie=the best

Number 19

2011-04-11T09:30:00.001-05:00

So many flowers!

Number 18

2011-04-09T08:07:00.000-05:00

Two Lips

Number 17

2011-04-08T23:16:00.000-05:00

Nature v. Industrialization.

K-Nug

2011-04-05T16:45:00.004-05:00

Well, people, it's official! I am moving to Hendersonville, North Carolina to be the Summer photographer for Kanuga Conference Center. Needless to say, I am BEYOND excited about this opportunity. To be at camp AND taking pictures--what more could I ever ask for? Last summer, I got to spend a week there, and I wrote about all the things I loved about Kanuga. It is a magical place, and I can't wait to spend 3 months making new friends, seeing old ones, and taking their picture. And there is no better place to spend a summer than in the mountains of North Carolina. Taking pictures. Did I mention that? They have hired me to take pictures. Not be responsible for children, not to plan any sort of program or curriculum, not to lose sleep over worry for said children...but to visually express what Kanuga is all about--those children, families, God, being outside, fellowship, happiness, butterflies, puppies, pretty rain, camp, beautiful people, sunsets, water, and general awesomeness.

I CAN'T WAIT.

Woooooooo!!!

Thank you in advance for a wonderful summer, Kanuga!

Number 16

2011-04-01T11:08:00.001-05:00

It's SPRING!

APRIL FOOLS.

Leslie and Jonathan's tree is so pretty!

Got any gwapes?

2011-03-31T08:12:00.000-05:00

Mmmmm gwapes.

A duck walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "Got any gwapes?"

The bartender says, "NO"

The duck leaves. He waddles back in the next day and asks the bartender, "Got any gwapes?" And the bartender says, "NOOO"

The duck waddles out. The next day, he comes back, sits on a stool, and asks the bartender, "Hey, got any gwapes?"

The bartender says, "NO. And you ask me AGAIN, I'm going to nail your BILL to this BAR."

The duck leaves, comes back the next day and asks, "Got any nails?" The bartender says, "No."

Duck: "Got any gwapes?"

That has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING, I just like jokes.

Well, depending on who you are, I have good and/or bad news. The juicing is off for me. I said that my biggest fear with this was a migraine, and you guessed it: I got one on Monday. I took it as a message from my body that it is not right for me. I'm not going to hurt myself just to see what it's like to fast.

Looks like I'll be running a lot harder and working out without joining a gym. Oh, and eating all my gwapes. I got a lot of them. If you see any ducks, send them my way, I'll be glad to share.

NB: These are not grapes. They are also not real. I got fruit on the brain, though.

Number 15

2011-03-30T22:27:00.002-05:00

Seriously, Spring. RETURN. I love glimpses of your skies. It's like a mean trick.

Number 14

2011-03-29T22:11:00.003-05:00

SPRING PLEASE COME BACK FOR REAL

Mmmm Juice

2011-03-28T10:07:00.000-05:00

This is the last solid food I will eat until 10 days from now...

Cookies n' Cream ice cream courtesy of the Jerkins' freezer (thanks, Leslie).

'Tis true--I'm doing the juice fast. Thanks to Chan for inspiring this; she and Hayley and I are doing it together. NB: this is not a diet. I don't diet. If my main goal is to lose weight, I'll exercise like a crazyperson. The goal of this is to fast and cleanse. I have 25 years of CRAP in my body, and I think this is a good way to get rid of that.

Also, I've been thinking a lot about the idea of the fast. Especially during Lent. Jews do it, Muslims do it--it makes me wonder if there's something to it. I've always said NO WAY to the fast. My friend John did it about 4 years ago, and I thought he was nuts. Especially when he would make me juice for dinner. No, thank you, juice is a beverage, not a meal.

Then I thought--it's ONLY food. It won't kill me for 10 days out of my whole life to abandon what I normally eat. My body will still be getting what it needs, just in a different way.

And in a way, I totally abuse food. I LOVE food. I measure my life in meals. When it's breakfast, I look forward to lunch. When it's lunch, I look forward to dinner. And all the time in between, I'm probably enjoying a nice cup of FroYo. I fill empty spaces with food. I run almost everyday, so I can feel better about all the FroYo, but it doesn't really do a lot of good, except for my heart rate.

So maybe those spaces can be filled with something other than food. When I'm hungry, I'll probably pray. It might be interesting to really stick to resisting temptation in a very tangible way.

At the end of this, I hope that I'll feel better, that I'll sleep better, and that my habits will improve. It's kindof like I'm starting from scratch with my body. I'll have to ease back into eating real food, and it will make me more cognizant of what is really going in my body. I also hope that running will be better for me. I have no doubt that I'll be a little bit lighter, so I can practice getting quicker, rather than just working on my endurance. I'm sort of looking forward to that. I mean, it might not hurt for my bod to look better than it currently does. I bet this one mega hottie won't complain if I'm a little hotter. I might even be able to keep up with him running. Watch out. Heh.

But really, I have NO idea what's going to happen. If for some reason this causes a migraine or something, the whole thing is off. I'm not going to forfeit my overall health for this experiment.

I know all of you are always dying to spend time with me and take me to eat delicious meals, but can you not beat down my door for the next 10 days? No solid food=hungry=grumpy gills=me.

Don't worry, I'll be blogging about my failures and triumphs.

Please pray for me (and Chan and Hayley).

Baptized baby!

2011-03-27T16:10:00.006-05:00

Oooo babyyy I want to kiss your bellyyyy

I swear I haven't gone missing, I just haven't had the internets. I also haven't gotten my film developed from the past 10 days or so.

This guy is my most favorite subject--last weekend, he got baptized, and it was very special. Brannon, Craig's brother, and everybody's favorite Uncle Bubba, was able to baptize him since he's a PCA pastor. It was lovely, and Benny loved his dress (he really liked to suck on the lace).

I just never want to leave this baby. He is perfect and I love him more and more everyday!

Number 13

2011-03-22T18:39:00.000-05:00

Springtime PLEASE come back!

Number 12

2011-03-21T00:14:00.000-05:00

Hayley's backyard

Number 11

2011-03-20T17:36:00.000-05:00

I love churches

Number 10

2011-03-19T19:11:00.000-05:00

My favorite subject

Number 9

2011-03-19T09:42:00.001-05:00

Film is kindof neat sometimes

Number 8

2011-03-18T22:07:00.000-05:00

Harbortown marina

Number 7

2011-03-17T00:06:00.002-05:00

Ogres are like onions

Pictures and stuff

2011-03-16T23:15:00.002-05:00

So, sometimes, when I'm hanging out with my friends and I am taking pictures, they say things like this to me: "Ellen, WHAT are you DOING?" or "What could you POSSIBLY be taking pictures of on the floor behind my curtains?"

Well, here are some of the boring pictures I take. However, Channy has pretty light in her apartment. Especially last week.

Number 6

2011-03-15T20:02:00.004-05:00

Found

Benny's getting baptized on Sunday, and Fitty will definitely be on hand for this occasion, don't worry. Jesus+Benny=perfection.

Number 5

2011-03-14T23:10:00.002-05:00

Felt and looked like Winter today. It's March 14th.

Number 4

2011-03-13T19:58:00.002-05:00

Upside down

Number 3

2011-03-12T20:20:00.003-06:00

Number 2

2011-03-11T16:02:00.002-06:00

These days in Memphis, Spring is a little blurry. Dear March, please decide whether you want to be Spring or Winter. I vote for Spring.

Number 1

2011-03-10T23:46:00.000-06:00

This is the first photo of Lent. I'm not really sure where this will go, and I've learned that I have dust on my sensor in my camera. Faaaantastic. AND I hate the way blogger makes photos look=nothing like what they actually look like. Oh well. I at least hope you enjoy the looking.

It's that time again

2011-03-09T20:41:00.004-06:00

Well, people, here it is. It's happening again, just like it does every year.

Lent.

This year it has been minus the pancakes on Mardi Gras and minus the ashes on Ash Wednesday. That's today bee tee dubs.

Two of the major markers for creating a successful beginning to Lent. I hate to admit it, but the reason these things have been left out this year is that I cannot afford the gas to travel to receive the pancakes and the ashes. Gas is $3.45/gallon. I have only a part-time job. And bills to pay. It's sad, but true. And this poor, unfortunate soul can't afford to work in Collierville, live in East Memphis, and make it to church Downtown 4 times this week. I understand that a lot people make longer and more dramatic commutes daily, but I'm probably lazy. And if I run out of gas, I'm out of gas. It's not like I can just hop on a bus like I might be able to in another city.

So, I'm participating in Lent the way that the rest of the world does: by not being at church every single day. By literally keeping it to/with myself and God. Just because I didn't get to eat pancakes on Shrove Tuesday--wait wait wait--just because I didn't sweat over griddles on the stove showing kids how to make the perfect pancake (don't you dare squash it with your spatula. It's not a hamburger), string up gaudy Mardi Gras decorations, or eat my weight in sausage, doesn't mean that Mardi Gras was any less meaningful or fun. It was still the day to totally gorge myself on delicious treats in preparation for some sort of physical discipline for Lent.

Yesterday I was mindful of what I would like to be mindful of during Lent. And today, just because I didn't hear the words "Remember you are butt dust" and get a thumb full of ashes on my forehead doesn't mean that I didn't think about the temporality and shortness of my life. And since my life will be so short, why not spend it with God? Why not do the things that bring us together in a good relationship? Why waste time indulging myself with every little physical treat that I encounter, when God is there, waiting for me and loving me? Well, because I'm a human being. And this Lent, I'm going to focus on just that: what it means to be human. No "giving up" anything to supposedly make myself a little more divine. But really understanding my humanity, and why I was created to be a human and not a bird or a rock or a snail. More than that, I'd like to use this time to discern what I am created to DO. With my mind, my heart, my body, my spirit. I'd like to try some disciplines to come closer to that. Without forgetting that everything is spiritual.

I'd like to make one good photograph a day during Lent. By the end, I should have 40 good photographs. That's kindof a lot. I haven't felt good about a photograph in a while. I make a lot of them, but none that I want to look at for longer than a glance. I'd like to say that I'll blog each one every day, but I don't want to commit too heavily. Plus, I'll be using film as well as digital and I won't be able to post every day. But I want to take the time to be truly thoughtful about each photo I take, and even go out of my way to do that. Every day. Lately I've gone weeks without picking up my camera. And it has been months since I made a picture just because.

I feel like that's a pretty big discipline. So that's the Lenten action I'm going to stick to this year. I hope you might think about doing something that will be good for you and God, too, if you're into that. Or if you're not, just keep in mind that you are loved and since you are worth so much, it could be good to try and discover what it is about you that makes you so good. And human.

Here's a picture that I went out of my way to get. So here's to hoping I go way out of my way to get the good ones that remind me why it was worth it to not be able to afford gas.

You Can Dance. For Inspiration.

2011-02-23T13:42:00.005-06:00

Wise words from Madonna.

Speaking of inspiration, there is a lot to be had. My friend Sue invited me to her Artists' Link meeting on Monday, and it was so much fun. I was the youngest in the room by 35 years, but that didn't bother me a bit. These people have been making/teaching/loving art for their whole lives, and they are all so so so so so talented. It was incredible. What a gem to find in Memphis. If there's anything I LOVE talking about constantly, it's art. Next to talking about God (and now Ben), it's my favorite subject. This week's program featured a show and tell by the members who chose to participate, and seeing what these artists work on was fascinating. To the outside world, they probably appear to be weird old people, but when they stand behind their work, they are young, vibrant, creative, interesting artists who are always learning. It made me feel prreeetttyyy lame to complain about finding creative inspiration to continue making art when these people have been making new art for 50 years. They are constantly open to what can be their next fun project and most of them just work, letting it flow freely from them until they come up with something that they can call "finished." Some have very methodical ways of working. Some are constantly working and they can't describe what they do. Some just attack a subject and do it in an hour.

The artistic process has always been such a mystery to me. It's something that I now know is a unnamed force--whether it be natural or divine or both--it just...happens. It can't be forced, it just has to be called forth by something and then there's no turning back. You have to acknowledge it in order to be fulfilled. Sooooo weird.

I have never thought of myself as an artist. Well, I've never really put myself into any sort of category, really. I've kindof always been this floater person--I play well with others. Athletes, preppy kids, art kids, nerd kids, pretty kids--I am able to relate to them all. Obviously it's something I take a little bit of pride in, but I really shouldn't because I think it just means that I've never claimed anything for myself. The Existentialist in me HATES labels of any kind, and through relating to so many different types of people, I find my meaning. However, that's sort of a cover-up, an excuse for never finding a niche.

The older I get, the more and less I know about myself. For example: Three years ago, I knew what my life would look like--a husband, an animal, a house, a job, in-laws. Now, I have no idea. Therefore, I know less. On the other hand, I know more than I did three years ago about how to listen to God and how to name and use the gifts I have been given. I think some people call this concept wisdom.

I am finding what defines me. I can do many other things, have many other job titles, be an assortment of names to my friends and neighbors. No matter what, my name is always going to be Ellen and I will always be a creative human. For a long time I denied myself that creative portion of my brain and my heart--most likely because I feared what it might turn into and it would make me do things that were scary. Well, since I've let it take over my entire self, I now know I had reasons to be afraid because it has changed me and led me to some fearful (but wonderful) precipices. Now that creative junt has infiltrated every part of how I live. It forces me to be honest, less guarded, and very present to life. While I'm more open, I'm less sensitive to little things--it has made me gain an awareness of who God has made me to be, and little things just don't matter. And the big things matter even more than they used to. I no longer feel trapped--I am getting to know myself, and I think I would be friends with me if I were not me.

And everything is spiritual.

I keep forgetting to put these snowy pictures up. I haven't even edited them. Straight out the camera. If I ever say there is nothing in this city to make art out of, you should tell me that I'm an idiot. It is everywhere.

Rocksteady

2011-02-18T15:12:00.008-06:00

There is really nothing as great as being with great friends listening to beautiful music being made by other great friends. I can't tell you how many times I've seen Drew and Ellie and all the neighbors play live, but I think this last time is one I'll remember for awhile. I can't really put my finger on it--they are always heartfelt, genuine, and soulful--but I have never loved watching them so much as I did on Tuesday. So much, in fact, I had to put my camera away and just be present with my friends, those standing next to me, and those playing their instruments. Maybe it was the company and the people I ran into, maybe it was the conversations I had, maybe it was their new awesome music, maybe it was the excitement of seeing Marc Broussard--I don't know. Sometimes you're actually in the place your heart wants you to be, and it is overwhelming. It was a great night--I walked away feeling peaceful, and it has lasted all week. I hope to hang onto that for a little longer; God knows I need all the help I can get.

Thank you, Drew and Ellie and Nate and Rich and Jon and Marc and Matt and Al and the guy who played drums for Marc that I did not know. Sorry, guy who plays drums for Marc, I have a feeling you're pretty cool, too. Maybe next time we can meet.

Love, love, love

2011-02-18T14:38:00.007-06:00

So my friends Gabriela and Keith are getting married! They asked me to take some pictures of them, and we had a lot of fun around Memphis. They love each other very much, and that is always fun to be a part of.

Congratulations! I love it when a boy is a good sport when you take his picture.

Ben=BIG

2011-02-11T16:29:00.000-06:00

So, I just spent 5 days with Claire, Craig, and Ben in Jackson and it was magical. This little guy is getting so big and so handsome. He loves to test out what his voice can do, laugh, bounce around, play, and roll around everywhere. He is very smart and is the best baby in the world. I never wanted to leave him. These are his 6 month (almost 7 month) pictures to show everyone just how handsome and big he's getting.

I love so many of the pictures of Ben, but I just can't stop looking at these. His eyes are so blue and he's so happy all the time.

Thrashers!!

2011-02-10T16:03:00.006-06:00

This is Joe, Martha, Joe Gunn, Hollyn, and brand new baby Dade. The Thrashers are very good friends of Claire, Craig, and Ben and I've gotten to know them very well over the past...10 years. Holy cow. 10 years. Anyway, they are a dear sweet family and now Claire and Craig live right around the corner from them and it is great. They are beautiful humans and I'm so glad I got to meet and photograph the newest Thrasher!

R&R

2011-01-29T23:40:00.004-06:00

Reading.

Running.

This week, I've been doing a bunch of both. Heather gave me some great books for my birthday AND a week at her and Ed's house with Lady while they are in Disneyworld. It has been lovely to read and get to run around Midtown, where everyone honks at you. Not because they're weird, but because they are your friend and want to say hello while you're sweating.

Onto the reading. I read my friend Sara's book, Jesus Freak. It was sitting on the bedside table in my room, and I hadn't read it yet, so I picked it up. As soon as I read the dedication, I naturally burst into tears. It says, "For Paul, my Boyfriend's boyfriend." There, on that first page, were all my friends from church. They were singing and dancing and eating together, as they do every Sunday and as they will tomorrow. I could hear her voice narrating, see Paul's huge face as Sara described the funny things he says to her. I even knew the people whose names she changed... I have never read a book written by someone I know personally. I read her first book, Take This Bread, awhile ago, when I didn't know her at all. So this experience was entirely different. A lot in both books is similar, but it is weird to read a book by your friend. Even in those first pages, when Paul teases her about how she likes to put her hands on people to give them blessings, I let out a strange noise through my lame-o tears. My last memory of a Sunday morning in San Francisco consists of even more tears (unbelievable) with Sara as she put her hands on my head with a blessing to leave and come back soon. And a bunch of other stuff. But that's none of your business.

I love all my Episcopal friends. These days I'm thinking a lot about Carren and Charles and Sara and Paul and Lynne and Karen and Kristin. Magical, genuine, real, funny humans. I think I'm lucky that way--to be blessed to know so many of these kinds of humans. And that all the people that choose to be friends with me are like that. I think about all the great people I know while I run and while I read. Thanks friends, near and far, for making life so special and dear.

Sorry, no pictures.

Also: Dexter and Weeds are the greatest things ever written ever. The end.

Rubber Ducky...

2011-01-26T15:35:00.007-06:00

I know I've said it a hundred times, but this baby is the light of our lives. Ben is most definitely the best kid on the planet. And I still will never get over being an aunt. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know I'm THE Superlative Girl, but what's wrong with saying that something is the BEST or the MOST so and so? I just really like life, and when there are good things, they are GREAT and when there are bad things, there is nowhere to go but up and then everything is the BEST. Right?

Anyway, this kid is THE BEST. He is smart with his big fat brain and snuggly with his big fat cheeks, and he makes the funniest faces. He laughs and smiles and wobbles around and it's all miraculous.

He loves bathtime and it's the funniest time. And how can anyone resist those big blue eyes that just get bluer and bluer? Ooooo baby I can't wait till the next time I get to sniff you!

With Gladness and Singleness of Heart

2011-01-22T13:59:00.000-06:00

Winterfest was wonderful (again). We always have the best time on the mountain, and it snowed this year, too. Sorry none of those pictures are available--my memory card deleted all 1200 of them, so that's fun. Hopefully they can be recovered.

It's always a blessing to see lives of kids transformed right before your eyes. We talked a lot about grace with a capital G, and I see God's grace at work through these kids. The way they interact with each other, the respect and love they give each other, and the respect and love they give God. They learn they are God's Beloved, and they carry that with them into the world. It's magical to be a part of it all. While I may not be spiritually leading young people full-time, it is no less amazing to be a witness to God's great work with them.

Here are some highlights that Fitty and I were able to capture:

Hike to Stone Door--always a crowd pleaser

Will's album cover

Eucharist on the mountain--one I will never forget

Errbody/Sing along with Cody

Errbody being silly

Calvary

Friends

Jumping

Mountaintop jam sesh

St. Mary's girls on the mountain

Pretty day

Just this guy in general.

Soul night

These 3 girls are Irish Dancers and they are INCREDIBLE

Theme

Stickers

Lots of whippin' our hair back and forth

And dancing

And more dancing...

And LOTS of singing

Silent Supper

Also, this guy.

More singing

And Lean on Me

Excitement

Praising

Peace

Ridiculousness

Staff

And then we had a sock hop

50s style

New Years dancing

2011!

What a good way to start the year.

Catching up

2011-01-21T13:33:00.009-06:00

Yikes! There are a lot of pictures I've taken in the past month that I am nowhere even close to posting. Sorry. BUT we'll start with this wonderful concert I went to on December 9th in San Francisco. It already feels like a lifetime ago.

Needtobreathe is this really awesome band from South Carolina--they sing about life and God and are these mountain men who look like they don't bathe very often. But who really cares; they make music that speaks pretty loudly. I'm a HUGE fan of these guys and can't wait to see them again!

I didn't take Fitty with me, as you can tell. But not having as much control over your camera is sometimes fun and I love playing with my little camera. It's my favorite concert companion and has served me very well over the past (almost) 5 years.

Assorted Thoughts

2010-12-23T14:42:00.003-06:00

So now I'm back in Memphis, and I have loved getting see everyone, especially this guy:

And my sweet angel girl:

If I could just narrow my life down to two things, it would be these two creatures. They are the best, but we all know that.

Speaking of narrowing down my life, I am trying to process what is going on in my head. I'm not usually one to dwell too much inside my thoughts and feelings; I feel selfish when I do that and I try to sort through things quickly and then let them go or take action, depending on which is most necessary. However, I am really missing California a lot more than I thought I would, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing. I am always hopeful because I have a lot of support here in Memphis, but it was really really good for me to be on my own, trying to become who I am. Now I'm back and the person in California is gone, but so is the person who lived her whole life in Memphis. For the first time EVER, I have no idea what I'm doing or who I am or where I will get health insurance. I have no perfect job, no special Midtown house, no direction.

But I do appreciate all the understanding from all my sweet friends and family--they are doing their best to help me avoid thinking/talking about my failure. I am glad you're glad I'm back, and I'm so glad to be back so I can be with you, but I am not glad to be here. I don't want to be in Memphis, I want to be in California. I want to be learning and doing things that I love and going to both of my wonderful churches.

I am sorry, I am just really missing my friends and San Francisco. It was such a good start for me, and now it's over before I really even got anything done. Everyone here is still doing their lives, and where I used to fit in, I don't anymore. And it's fine, I'm just going through what everyone goes through at this age. Most definitely an early quarter life crisis.

So I'ma try to keep it as simple as I can while I figure out what the next step is. I want to pursue healthy and honest friendships, making up for lost time with the people dearest to me. I want to make sure I'm still following God's call for me, even though I'm a little hard of hearing at the moment.

I'm more scared now than I was even when I moved to California. I mean, I quit my life here and left, and now that I'm back, none of it exists. So that's fun.

I'm sorry if I'm sad a lot; it's not you, it's me. I fell too much in love with life on the West Coast, and now I'm a little heartbroken. It's weird, but I feel like a huge relationship has just ended and I can't even stalk it on Facebook or get my friends to ask how it's really doing, even though I know it's perfectly fine without me, while I'm pining away, wondering if there was anything else I could have done to make it work.

Anyway, I'm just not the same as I was 6 months ago, and it feels funny when I try to fit myself into whatever worked for me then. But right now I'm in the wallowing phase, and soon I'll buck up and figure it out little by little. We'll see how it goes.

I left my harp...

2010-12-15T16:00:00.001-06:00

...in Sam Frank's disco. You have to say it out loud in order to hear what it sounds like. This comes from a joke that Elise's dad told me when I told him I was moving to San Francisco. Of course, it was a long, drawn-out joke (we now know where Elise gets her 'Tis Bottle tendencies), and a hilarious pun=the best kind of joke.

Anyway, I'm writing this 12 days before I jump on a plane to come back to Memphis, but I'm scheduling it to publish while I'm in the air. I'm big on time management these days, and I have to do some things ahead of time because I have a lot to do. Also, I didn't really want to write this so close to my time of departure from this beautiful city. Because I am not coming back here. Well, maybe for vacation sometime in the future, but not to live anymore. If you have ever read this blog, you know how much I love San Francisco and all of the things I've seen and done and learned and gained. I love the views, the people, my school, the hills, the food, the smells, the public transportation, the weather. I don't want to leave...believe me. If I'm being honest, I'm just not sure the whole experience of living here is worth being in debt up to my eyeballs. I love my school so much; I wish I could put it my pocket and take it with me everywhere. And I knew it would be expensive, but I don't want to get to the point where I have to fight to live. I'm willing to work hard and do whatever it takes to pay the bills, but it sucks the life out of you, and I just don't want to get there. Because it would be easy to do here...the standard of living is so high and I don't make nearly enough at my part time job to stay in school full time AND actually sustain myself.

Although my quality of life is different here, and better in some ways, I really miss being able to do the things that really make life wonderful for me because I can't afford it. For example: Spin classes, playing volleyball, having a dog, going on road trips, seeing Ben, sleeping in my bed. I've gotten in some really great runs, but that's about all the exercise I've really had, and my body misses being used to its full potential like rolling on the floor and hitting something really hard. I guess I could do those things in other ways, but I might get arrested.

I haven't felt nearly as homesick as I thought I would, but I totally hate that I've only seen Ben 3 times in the 5 months he's been alive. Seriously? I'm his mother's only sister. And I burst into tears every time Claire sends me a video of him getting bigger and cuter and giggling and splashing in the bathtub. I hate missing so many of the firsts for him, because really, they're firsts for all of us. I don't want to be separated from it anymore. I love that because of him, my whole family sits down to eat dinner together; and by whole family, I mean Dad, Reg, Mom, Claire, Craig, and Ben. I can't remember any times in my life (besides important life events and birthday parties) where my mom and dad and sister and I were all together in the same room and excited about the same thing. Because of this baby, that happens now, and I can't stand being so far away from it. I can't wait to sit down to dinner with my ENTIRE family on Saturday night and play pass/kiss the baby. I can't imagine anything better.

So what am I going to do now? I don't know, I might put down the camera for awhile and enjoy life and just let things happen without feeling obligated to put it on a memory card. Plus, Fitty gets heavy. Don't worry, in reality, this probably won't last very long. I love taking pictures very much; but I'm really going to work on making the kind that I want to make without time constraints or worrying about perfection in editing (I don't have access to Photoshop anymore anyway; it's sort of freeing--like when your cell phone dies while you're on vacation). I want to take great care with every image while I'm there making it with my camera. I want to make a lot of pictures, but take my time doing it, and no one to tell me to hurry it up.

As for work, I'm going to transfer to a LOFT in Memphis and work part time (or full-time if they'll let me), and maybe get a part-time job somewhere else (Kat? Wanna hire me to make cupcakes?) And go visit Claire, Craig, and Ben whenever I'm not working.

And I'll be making up for lost time with my friends. I want to take a trip to New Haven, church hop, dance at Raiford's, run where hills are optional. Staying busy but keeping it simple--I wouldn't want to miss California too much.

I'll be back--I have some great friends to stay with when I visit. Which, lucky for me=free places to stay in the best city in the United States.

Weird, nice people and public transportation--I'll miss you. Thank you for reinforcing my opinion that humans, by nature, are good and for helping me build immunities to all the germs in the world so I'll never get sick again.

And thank you, San Francisco, for helping me live so much life--there are so many experiences I've had that I never would have had if I were anywhere else. I'll probably walk with a limp for awhile after all that wrestling.

And don't worry heart, I know right where I left you and will be back soon to retrieve you.

So Many Beautiful Places...

2010-12-04T20:24:00.007-06:00

I love to explore. There's a reason that so many people live in this area of the United States, and I think it's because when it was "discovered", the discoverers were just so in awe of its natural beauty that they decided to build a city (oh, and the gold). I'm sure a lot of that loveliness died, but what's left of it is still incredible. I've tried to have as many outside adventures as my feet and my bank account will let me have here, and I think I've done pretty well. I've been a lot of places, seen a lot of beautiful sunsets, and I am constantly overwhelmed by all the things to look at around these parts. And I've never even been out of the Bay Area. I can't imagine what else is out there to still be discovered. Well, I'm running out of time, so I'll leave it up to other people who like to explore or Fievel when he goes West.

I see pictures all the time from Lands End. No, not the clothing catalogue, the actual place. It is right my backyard and includes the Barbary Coast Trail, The Cliff House, and Sutro Baths, among other nature-y marvels.

OK, so the Sutro Baths were built by Adolph Sutro in 1896 and was this giant glass and wood building that served as the largest public swimming facility in the world. There were 7 pools, one freshwater and six salt water pools, all temperature controlled. Musee Mechanique and all the stuff that's at Ripley's Believe It or Not were there, too. According to Jack, it was very exciting...but it burned down in 1966. Jack is also sure that it was arson. Anyway, the "ruins" are pretty cool. Modern ruins. What an interesting notion.

I had a good time. The whole place is gorgeous.

Also, I wish the pictures on this blog looked better. The way the blog makes them look is so not ideal. They look a lot better on my computer. Oh well, you get the idea.

Thanks, Gracias, Grazie, Arigato, Danke Shoen

2010-11-25T11:54:00.000-06:00

Those are the ways I know how to say "Thanks!" in other languages. It's something that I make a point to say all the time, to everyone. Even if it's my mom or dad and it's the 492754982nd time they've bought me a meal, I don't want to be the one to forget to thank them. I think gratitude is the best abstract noun EVER. Even more than happiness or kindness. Thankfulness takes the cake. I think it's of the utmost importance to really be able to say in words how you feel after being the target of someone else's grace...big or small. I think it can never be said enough, just as one tiny act of giving should never EVER go unnoticed without a word of thanks.

And that's why Thanksgiving is my favorite day of the year. It celebrates something that we actually all practice in our lives. Because let's face it--if you can't think of ANYTHING to be thankful for, then you should probably just quit life and start over. Maybe I'm optimistic, but I don't think there is one human that can't find something for which to be thankful. And by something, I mean someone.

That's what I find myself saying thank you for 9 times out of 10. The humans I know that make life possible. Scratch that--not just possible, but they make life everything from merely bearable to superb (depending on the day). I think we can even say thanks for the humans that are grouchy and rude and mean to us, because without them, we would not be able to recognize what makes the good ones so great.

I never do this on Thanksgiving because I do it everyday. However, it's a nice reminder. Acknowledging and naming what we're thankful for.

(In no particular order)

1. Being able to live this long in such a beautiful part of the world, where I'm surrounded by inspiring physical space

2. Ben

3. My dear, sweet friends. Oh, how I miss them.

4. Doggies

5. Big strong legs that help me get up and down these hills

6. Glasses

7. Photos and taking them.

8. Pier 24 (come visit me and I will take you to what my version of Heaven looks like)

9. Food

10. Family. For as crazy as we all are, we do alright.

11. Church family from coast to coast.

12. Grandparents

13. Grace

14. Jackets

15. I can't help it--I thank Apple everyday for inventing the iPhone.

16. Videochat

17. The smell of photo chemicals (these will most likely cause my death in later years)

18. Jack Fulton

19. Teachers in general

20. Learning, too

21. Gray areas

22. Outside

23. Snail mail

24. Weather

That's how old I am, so I'll stop. I am grateful every day that I can get up in the morning. I'm getting a little rusty on my Jewish things, but there is this prayer that Hasidic Jews pray as soon as they open their eyes in the morning: Thank You, God, for having the confidence in me to do Your work for another day. (Something like that.) I can't remember what it's called, but I think it's the most beautiful way to thank God for giving us life and it reminds me why I'm alive in the first place. My life is not my own, and I'm more thankful for that than anything else.

What's coming next:

An Evening with Marc and Nate (and Robin)

2010-11-24T22:56:00.009-06:00

So I'm entirely sure why it took me so long to go through all of these photos from this lovely night when Nate came to town to play with Marc Broussard. I mean, it's been 2 weeks. Oh right, I hardly have any time to go through my fun photos because I'm busy with school and work--ironic, no? How I'm a photographer who doesn't have time to go through her photos and make them look pretty? However, I do love being busy, so sometimes things get pushed to the wayside if others must take precedence.

I did love getting to hug Nate's neck and see him play for 2 AND A HALF HOURS. It was magical. And Robin and I had a great time. OH, and Robin is my new friend who went to Georgetown with Elise and is a nurse like Jackie. She is awesome and I love her. We had a lot of fun.

PS the last time I saw Marc Broussard play was August 14th, 2006. In Memphis. At Newby's. With as many people as that tiny place will hold. I have a vague memory of Marc wearing a "Let's Hug it Out" shirt and me hiking up my skirt to get better ventilation. I think that was the hottest I've ever been in my life. I also remember that Nate had a spot by the fan and I'm pretty sure I elbowed some girl out of the way so I could share it with him. This experience was much more enjoyable.

So, when the light is low, but the lights on your subject is crazy and makes it look blown out in every photo you take, you have to get a little creative. The colors were really pretty, so that was fun.

Can you tell I love moving my camera around? I hope it doesn't make you nauseated.

Me and Robin, yay!

And I never never never do this, but I just had to commemorate. I felt/look like such a groupie, ugh.

We had a lovely time and I was so glad to see my old friend and make a new one!

Bigger Than We

2010-11-17T01:23:00.006-06:00

One must be grammatically correct, even if it sounds funny.

So, sometimes when I have free time (which I have been lacking lately since starting work...don't worry, I'm not complaining, I'm loving it), I like to get on the number 1 bus and ride on it until I get to the Pacific Ocean. Well, so far, I've only done it once, but I'm going to start going once a week, since I had so much fun the first time. Don't ask me where this was, I have no idea. I just got off the last stop and started walking until I found this lovely little spot.

The weather has been beautiful here. I was dreading the gray weather, but so far, it's only rained 3 days since I've been living here. Apparently this is very unusual. I love it so much. It hardly feels like November, which means that the less it feels like Thanksgiving, the less I'll miss my family. I'ma just keep telling myself that and see if it works. Also, since it's 75 degrees and sunny, it's hard to believe I only have 3 weeks left of school.

Anyhoo, I hadn't ventured out in awhile because I've been so busy, and it was just what I needed without really knowing that I needed it. You know, the every-so-often overwhelming realization that there is something bigger than we are. As soon as I caught a glimpse of the sun setting behind these cliffs, I was taken aback by A: the sheer beauty and magnitude of the sky and the water and the cliffs, B: that the same God who created all of that created me, and I am grateful, C: that the God who did all of that is STILL working through and actively creating all of it, even me. I love going to church and yada yada yada, but there's nothing really like seeing something that happens everyday and feeling the weight of how this picture will never look the same twice, but also feeling so much lighter after that breath of fresh air. And HOLY MOLY California is just so beautiful.

Family and friends, I can't wait to see you in 4 weeks from tomorrow!

and

HARRY POTTER.

Add it to the list...

2010-11-04T00:35:00.007-05:00

...of reasons why I love this place.

The Magic Hour is always the most beautiful...

So it nighttime.
Hello, Halloween. There were people hiding in this carriage and jumping out and scaring people at random. It was terrifying.

Safety Dance

2010-11-02T00:18:00.004-05:00

Soooooo

Today, I got my mind blown. Not that this doesn't happen everyday, but for some reason, today was a big thing. Welllll, nothing really big happened, it was just the honesty of a new art school friend that may have helped jump a giant hurdle.

First, lemme say that I have made a handful of really sweet friends here. Friends that I have come to be able to ask what sucks and what is good and they'll tell me. My teachers are supposed to do this, but somehow, it ends up being my peers that are the best instructors. I learn a lot from them, and I'm so grateful they exist. Anyway, I have two classes with Evan, who sometimes I call Jesus because he looks like what I think Jesus might look like. He's an amaaaazing photographer. I mean, some of the most beautiful things you've ever seen. He's 27, so he's been doing this a lot longer than me, and he's used every process imaginable to make a photograph. The dude knows what he's talking about, and is always very helpful. I don't mind saying that I had a tinycrush on him at first, because his talent is so great and he is kindof a precious human. And he's the only person in any of my classes that doesn't wear skinny jeans and bathes on a regular basis (everyday). Besides being really smart, he and Andrea and I are silly together all the time and Jack gets mad at us. He also calls me Eeellen, and I have no idea why, but I love new nicknames.

Don't get me wrong, I love my teachers, but my friend can say things and I hear him. It might help that I've seen a lot of his work that I can actually see that he knows what he's talking about, and so now I've gotten in the habit of asking him what I can do better. He helps me edit and crop things, and soon I'ma sit with him in the darkroom so he can show me how to do other things better. Sounds sketchy, but it's not. We just spend a lot of time in the dark.

ANYWAY, to make it sound like I'm not obsessed with him, I'll move on. Today, we had our "Time" critique, and it went fine. I will say that there is this one kid in my class who always is on drugs (literally) and is the biggest jerk EVER to everyone. Ugh. I don't say this often, but I can't STAND this kid. He's just mean.

I showed everyone my pretty lights, and yada yada yada, and we took a break and I told Evan that I actually did another project for this and so of course he wanted to see it. So I showed it to him:

I have been struggling because I feel like I'm not getting any better at anything technical, and he has been struggling because Linda Connor has been telling him to stop being so good at everything and make his photos mean something. Obviously, we have opposite problems and we've been talking about it. So, today he told me that while these photos were lovely and who doesn't love ginkgo trees, they're totally safe. Everything I make is safe. Not necessarily boring, just within my zone. And then he said that in order to not be safe anymore, these safe photos have to be made. They are a step to getting beyond, and they are important so that I can get to the point where I say (his words, not mine) F*** YES! to every photo I take.

While I'm totally ready to be at that point now, I know it'll take lots of time and even more experimenting. I'm fine with that, and I'm glad I have school friends to help me. It'll be weird to look back on all of this in...5 years. I wonder what I'll be doing then? Hopefully making really great photographs that I say F*** YES to in my own way.

PS. Kitty, Merry Early Crimmas. I'ma bring these home for you. (Doesn't matter how safe they are, I still like them)

Life things

2010-10-31T16:10:00.003-05:00

There are no pictures in this post.

I'm just really excited and I can't contain it.

1. I just started work at Ann Taylor LOFT and I'm obsessed with the girls I work with. They are hilarious. Also, since I said that, I am now legally contracted to say this: "The views and opinions expressed in this blog do not reflect those of Ann Taylor, Inc." I wish I were kidding.

2. I'm THRILLED for Winterfest. I can't wait to spend 5 days on the mountain with Jejus, my favorite humans on the planet, and the coolest kids around. AND to be an old woman with Elise and probably go to bed on time every night since we'll be roommates. If you are at Winterfest and can't find us, we're probably day-dreaming about all the things Loonie is doing while we're away.

3. I'm SO excited to get to see Marc Broussard on Nov. 11. And by Marc Broussard, I mean Nathan Dugger. They'll be together, but I'm really only interested in hugging Nate/getting to see him play his guitar, which will trick me into thinking that life is normal again. I can't wait to see my friend! Just kidding about some of that. I brotally love Marc, and it'll be super fun to take his picture.

Happy Halloween!

This is the first year I haven't participated in Halloween. I don't really feel too terrible/sad about it because everyday is Halloween in San Francisco!

Nighttimes.

2010-10-30T23:20:00.006-05:00

So, I have this project due on Monday and it's about time. It's sort of lame, and I didn't really know what to do for it because I haven't had that much time and I didn't want to spend any money on prints, so I just had some fun with light at night and long exposures. And I can print for free in my other class. Here are some fun things:

I thought this was hilarious because the ghostie in front is really scaring people, and the ghostie in the back is totally creepin' on the front ghostie, which makes him less effective. I like it.

Strangers in the night....do be do be dooooo

Looooove

2010-10-29T11:51:00.000-05:00

(You have to say it the way Will says it when he would look at Martha and Dudley's Christmas card on our refrigerator. I wish I had a recording. Imagine Celine Dion and Kermit the Frog coming together inside of Will's vocal cords to produce a sound.)

OK, Brie & Justine are two of the best humans that I know. Seriously. They're just really good at life. I've blogged about them before, when Heather and Ed threw them an engagement party. Anyway, while I was in Memphis, we had time to get some really great images of these pretty ladies.

I feel so blessed to be their friend and that they have asked me to be a part of their journey. I love documenting people, and showing what makes an individual significant and important. The way that Justine and Brie treat each other shows that each finds the other of utmost significance. It is amazing to me how a relationship can do this. Humans were not meant to be alone; we go two by two. The total naturalness of it is so profound to me; that we are supposed to be in community, giving and receiving life from deeply serving other people. Whether it's one person or many, those relationships are what provide a purpose. I see Brie and Justine serving and loving each other, and giving life to those around them. Their love and commitment are truly inspirational, and I hope that they always know how loved and committed we (our community) are to them. On June 25, 2011, I can't wait to say, "We will!"